The Christmas Number One - What's All The Fucking Fuss?
Why is such a fucking fuss made over the Christmas number one, eh? It's usually shit! This year it looks like it may well be the winners of Popstars - the Urinals (or whatever it was called) who'll be at the much-revered number one slot.
In past years, Cliff Richard, has dominated the top of the charts during the festive season. Just like the fucking fairy on top of the Christmas tree, you could always guarantee he'd there with his Christian rhymes. Incidentally is Cliff gay, or was Una Stubbs really attractive and we didn't notice?
Apart from Cliff, it's been whatever boy band has been in the charts throughout the year with their dribble, that have a number one with their dribble at Christmas.
Novelty records are big at Christmas: all you need to do is mention "Santa" in one of the lines, and you've written a Christmas song!
Here are some facts about the Christmas number one ...
Slipknot have never had a Christmas number one.
Cliff Richard thinks that Christmas has something to do with someone called Jesus Christ and not Santa Clause as we all know to be true.
Silent night by Bros was crap!
The world and his dog have recorded Christmas records but there's never been a Christmas record by a group called: The World and his Dog.
Back in the days when he was a DJ, Noel Edmunds, once dressed up as Santa Clause. It wasn't for the Christmas Top of the Pops, it wasn't even Christmas, it's just that Noel Edmonds was a nutty, madcap, DJ, who would do anything for a laugh!
|Noel Edmunds - what a nutter!
Christmas Top of the Pops is transmitted into outer space, just in case there's any intelligent life out there who want to watch it - although what intelligent life would want to watch the Christmas Top of the Pops is beyond me!
Marilyn Manson has never presented the Christmas edition of Top of the Pops, and if he did he'd probably dress up as the devil or something and call himself Satan Claws. Crazy guy!
|Marilyn Manson - Satan Claws!
There is only one Christmas number one spot; situated at number one, in the charts, at Christmas.
Some old people watch the Christmas edition of Top of the Pops. Can you imagine that?!
|Old people - watch the Christmas Top of the Pops!
Every Christmas thousands of Christmas themed records are released, but only a few artists ever make it into the charts, the rest burst into tears and stamp their feet a lot.
More people tune into the Christmas Day edition of Top of the Pops than there are fridge magnets on the fridge doors of households in the UK!
"I ain't dissin you, by jove no missus!"
New single out now!
And No Tits!
Her new album out now!
Arse Me No Questions
Kylie's arse is back, in a new video (rumours are that it is also to get its own sitcom - will it be called "Bottom" we wonder (geddit?)
At a recent press conference, Kylie, refused to comment on rumours that her bum may be going solo. 'You'll just have to wait and see,' she finally told us after we threatened to publish some great photos we've got of her sunbathing naked on a secluded Australian beach! We're still going to publish them but we got our question answered too!
It's Official Robbie Williams is a Knobhead!
The singing star, who's had hits such as Angels and Rock DJ, is a knobhead.
Never before released (partly due to contractual restrictions, but largely due to the fact that it's awful!)
The Drab Four: Burt, Gaz, Mick and Ron!
"Lennon and McCartney weren't the only song writers to come from Liverpool, Burt Friggit came from there too! Granted, he wasn't much cop, but still ..."
Over three hours of dreadful outtakes of songs that were never released in the first place - and listening to this it's easy to see why!
Includes: I Am the Warthog * Cant Buy Me Drugs * All We Need is a Note * Please Mr Dustman * All My Washing (I Will Give to You) * The Large and Angry Toad * She Came in Through the Catflap * Here Comes the Nun * Got to Get You Back to My Flat * Crappy Old Boot * Gay Stripper * and many, many, many more ...