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Taking It Up The Arts:
A Load of Bollocks

Say "Bollocks" and you think of only one man - Jason Bollocks!
The artist's action paintings are world-renowned, and have the look of the paint has just been thrown on willy-nilly. But are they more complex than that ... or so simple a child could do them?

"Accident With A Paint Tin"
"Accident With A Paint Tin"

BANANAS: Most of your paintings look like you've just thrown the paint on without any thought to it whatsoever.
BOLLOCKS: Well that's exactly what I done.
BANANAS: There must be more to it than that though, surely?
BOLLOCKS: Look pal, as long as people keep paying thousands of pounds for 'em, why should I bother? I sold one the other day. I knocked over a paint tin accidentally and it splashed all over the canvas. I call it, "Accident With a Paint Tin". It sold for 3,000 quid. It's money for old rope!


In fact "money for old rope" is quite apt, as the artist's controversial exhibition of old rope at the Tate attracted critical notice; not least for his sheer nerve at showing exhibits such as, "Pile of Rope", "Tangled Rope", "Dirty Old Rope" and "Rope in a Heap With One End of it Tied to a Chair".

One of Bollocks' paintings even looks like someone has thrown up over the canvas.
BOLLOCKS:It's supposed to! I call it "Vomit", for exactly that reason.

A book of his entire artwork called, Complete Bollocks, is available from all good bookshops and art shops worldwide and just a casual leaf through the pages and you see just how crap this man's work really is. It's total shit!

"Reclining Nude"
"Reclining Nude"

Another painting, his so-called "Reclining Nude" is - vaguely - a child type stick drawing of a woman with breasts badly painted.
In fact the finished result is not even as good as a child could do!
BANANAS:Some critics have said of your work that it looks like a child of four painted it. In fact it has sometimes been said that a child of four could do much better!
BOLLOCKS: That's probably true. I have a niece, she's four and she's much better than me.

"Janet Shuttleworth"
"Janet Shuttleworth"


His latest work has attracted much attention due to the fact that it is actually quite good!
BOLLOCKS:This is my latest (he said showing us his latest work) I call it, Janet Shuttleworth.
BANANAS:But isn't that the Mona Lisa?
BOLLOCKS:The what?
BANANAS:A famous painting by Leonardo de Vinci.
BOLLOCKS:No I done it.



Janet Shuttleworth or The Mona Lisa? Genius or fraud? Who knows? Who cares? I don't!